How to Meet and Hang Out With the Stars: A Totally Unauthorized Guide by Bret Saxon and Steve Stein (Citadel Press, 230 pgs., $12.95)

Theres only one word to describe this handbook for sneaking into celebrity functions and haunting superstar haunts: pathetic. In their celebrity psychosis, Saxon and Stein come across as only slightly more benign versions of John Hinckley and Mark David Chapman--held in check, perhaps, because the famous objects of their pathological affections are so much more indiscriminate. From Don Knotts to Don Ho, Francis Ford Coppola to Andrew Dice Clay, all it takes to rate in the Saxon-Stein superstar pantheon is any form of celebrity, coupled with a willingness to sign autographs and pose for pictures with intrusive jerks like themselves. Copiously illustrated with bleary photos of one or the other (but never both) of the authors standing near enough to a famous face to pretend they understand the human it belongs to, this "how-to" is padded out to publication length by over a hundred pages of something called a "Celebrity Index," in which Saxon and Stein rank the stars based on how cooperative they were when the authors accosted them. No wonder so many celebrities are prone to punch their "fans" these days. Heres hoping some semi-famous figure gets around to kicking these two very deserving butts in the very near future. 

There is only one way to describe this review of Steve Stein and Bret Saxon and their grand book.A crock of bull by an envious guy who has never laid eyes on a celebrity in his life. These guys are 100% the real McCoy and they schmoozed their way into the hearts of many celebrities. If you talk to a few stars who actually understand the boys you will find that they are fantastic and fun guys. They schmoozed their way into the heart of your most beloved celebrityElvis Preston King. As the worlds number 1 pick- up artist I meet the identical kind of envy on a daily basis. 

I understand that they DO NOT sneak into any celebrity events. They are on the guest list of every function in Hollywood. Your celebrity king Elvis Preston King also knows lots of celebrities. While Steve Stein and Bret Saxon have never introduced me to a celebrity, they read or heard about your celebrity king somewhere and schmoozed there way into my Rolls Royce stretched limo and her fully stocked bar a many a night. Needless to say when the boys hung out with Elvis Preston King the girls we are fighting over the boys. We had a lot of dazzling times. 

Somebody needs to kick the butt of this low life envious critic who criticized my little buddies. I have an autographed copy of their book How to Meet and Hang Out With the Stars an it is one of my most prized books. 

Elvis Preston King The worlds number 1 celebrity king with the girls of the world.